Coffee and Panera Bagels

--Two minor reasons why Sunday school is great. :-)

The sun is out and the sky is cloudless! It's been a tough week, but I am feeling better on many levels. My weird cold is pretty much over (I hope). I have been taking it easy though, which has been nice.

I really enjoyed worship this morning. The songs were really good, and I just felt joyful. I also like the people in Sunday school, and I hope that it goes well. It just started, but I think it has good community/fellowship potential. I'm not happy about next week though. I have to miss Sunday school because of a meeting at work, and next Sunday I think they're finally going to do introductions and "get to know you" talk, which I really want to be there for. But, I can't. However, the church is going to have a Super Bowl party at the coffee house it sponsors, so I plan on going to that and hopefully see people from Sunday school or meet new people.

I know I have often lamented the lack of community I feel here, and I want to change it, but I'm not quite sure how. I don't feel like God has given me any clear alternative to the church where I'm at, so I'm going to stay. I just feel that it is more focused on doing rather than being. They emphasize tithing and being active in the church, but without really emphasizing the need for unity. The church is the body of Christ, and we comprise different parts of that body. However, for the body to be effective, the different parts need to be familiar with each other and know how to work together. I guess it's just a different emphasis and mindset. I've been in churches that focus on community to the detriment of outreach, which is not good either. I think it will help a lot now that I have a smaller group to be with.

Also, I'd like to get to know more people interested in rare books. Before class, however, everyone is dead. Silence. Nothing. It's frustrating, and I don't really know how to break the silence. I'm really considering just diving in, introducing myself, and asking for names. It's a small class and I don't know 1/2 my classmates names. We'll see. Maybe I'll chicken out.

It is beautiful today, and I do not feel like doing my homework. But, I should read my difficult and dense representation and organization homework. That stuff is a mental workout, but it's good to exercise the gray matter.

I'm Going to Get Consumption and Die

Seeing as I am not a character in a Victorian novel (as far as I know), the title is most likely false. It is, however, how I felt earlier today. I am such a wimp when I get sick, and coupled with the absolutely frigid temperatures, I was feeling somewhat miserable. I did not go to work today, as I'm trying to lay low and recuperate so that I can work tomorrow night and Thursday morning, as well as make it through my night class on Thurs. It is only the 3rd week and we already have a 30 minute group presentation due. Not cool. The class is very dry, but apparently there is some hope, as my group members and I were getting a little geeked, which I did not think at all possible.

Not much new or exciting going on right now. I went to the new "20 somethings" Sunday school class at church on Sunday. I think it will be good; hopefully we can have some good times of fellowship and get togethers sometime. It's led by one of the elders, which is a little odd, as I am used to peer leadership, and he is the only one who isn't in his 20s. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. It feels a little odd/awkward, but we'll see. We're also following a study book based on one of David's mighty men, Benaiah. I'm not generally a fan of books like this, but I think it's an interesting premise, and I do like David's mighty men. Though I do think that it must have been a slap in the face to have gone through a ton of peril to get David some water only to have him feel guilty and pour it out because he was the cause of their risk. (1 Chronicles 11 and 2 Samuel ?) I think it would be cool to have three boys and name them after David's three chief mighty men. The mightiest of whom was named...Abishai.

Last Friday was fun. The Lilly had an open house, and I went with a few friends. I had seen the exhibit before, but it was good to go, talk with people, eat good food, and hear the director speak. Then, we went to a "Meet and Greet" with ALA, but it was more of a "talk with people you used to have class with but never see any more." From experience, it's rather awkward to go to those things when you don't know anyone. After that, Angy, I, and another friend went to a coffee shop and hung out for awhile. It was a fun, relaxing evening. Very nerdily library.

Where is Home? My Heart is in More Than One Place.

I had a wonderful weekend. I left after work on Saturday to visit a friend up in Michigan, as well as see my old church and coworkers at the library. I miss everyone so much! It was so good to see the Hughes again. They are some of the most hospitable and kind people I know. It was so good to catch up with Miss Hughes too. I miss being able to hang out with her on a regular basis like we did last year. I really miss HFMC (church) too. Churches that are that alive and hard hitting are hard to find. I miss the sermons and the people. I have found myself thinking about the sermon, which was on worship, fairly often, which is really nice. The sermons at my current church don't really leave that much of an impression on me, but they're ok.

I also fell in love this weekend. His name is Spencer, and he is very cute, sweet, and rather acrobatic. We would like to move in together when my lease is up in August, but I'm not sure if it will work out. Oh, Spencer is a cat. He is adorable and he is currently living with the Hughes. He does not, however, play well with others. He does not get along with any of the other cats, so he has to be segregated. He is pretty good with people though, and he seems to like me and let me pet him. He would make a good "only cat."

I'm tired and need to get some sleep. I'm afraid that I'm coming down with a cold, but I'm hoping it's just slight allergies from being around the cats.

Why?

"It's comforting to know that he will have something tangible to show for those years, but more profound is the realization that a dream can die — any dream can die — and you can stand in that barren place in the weedy garden of your own life, amongst the sagging, withered plants, in the company of your own naked soul, and if you study the ground, you might just spot some fresh green shoots pressing through. You know yourself better now. You can begin again."
"On the Death of Dreams" by Jenny Schroedel

This is a really profound paragraph. I linked to the article, and the author has some good points. Sometimes, it's best to move on, and you may wonder what the point was or why God allowed something that did not ultimately come to fruition, be that a job, career goal, relationship, etc., but even if you don't know why, it doesn't mean that there wasn't a reason or that God can't use it for good. God does not answer the question "why." It's the one word He hears the most, but He doesn't often answer. He may reveal a reason later, but He may not. All we can do is trust Him and do the best with what He has revealed.

And a New Beginning Starts

I saw a Washington DC license plate today, and it had the slogan "Taxation Without Representation." I was very confused. I thought it might be tongue in cheek or satirical or something, but it's a license plate, put out by the state, in this case the government. Did they just forget the "No" at the beginning, or is it actually condoning taxing people and not allowing them any voice through representatives? Thoughts?

Also, I was rather productive today, and it feels good. I finally took care of my dry cleaning. I found a cleaners in a strip mall after having no luck finding the cleaners that I thought was on 3rd street. (It was in this quest that I saw the license plate.) I also cleaned my room, bought a book for class, went to the bank, took care of dishes, and did laundry (not in that order).

I have my first class tomorrow, as I don't have class on Mondays or Fridays. Yay! The class is rare books, and I'm looking forward to it. I'm not going to pursue rare books; I think I'll do a mix of archives and digital libraries, but I think the class will be good and help me in my pursuit of working with special collections. I am hoping to get an internship here over the summer so I can keep my job and also gain experience. I need to talk to the prof in charge of internships. When I was cleaning my room, I came across a flyer for a project that the public library and historical society is working on together, and I'm going to ask about it. It's archiving pictures and such about the limestone quarries and businesses in the area, and it looks like a cool project.

Today has been a good relaxing day. I am not on my schedule yet, so my sleep has been off. It will probably take some time to get back to normal, but that is to be expected. On Friday we had friends from the complex over and played an epic game of Apples to Apples. Then, I had a friend over for dinner on Saturday, and it was good to talk and eat food. I tried out new recipes that turned out rather well. They were both from my Illinois cookbook. Chicken pecan swiss quiche and fried apples for dessert. I found out that my parents made quiche on Saturday as well. :-)

Enjoy the random.(ness of this post)

Snow Day

I had a snow day from work today. It's nice to work at a job that closes due to snow, though tomorrow is going to be pretty crazy. Just because the library is closed does not mean that people stop returning books. Though maybe the weather kept people home and it won't be that bad.

I was going to be productive today, but that did not happen, especially as I slept in until 1. Sigh, I have hijacked my sleep schedule, and it is not good. I am looking forward to classes and work as it will provide me with a regular schedule and hopefully help me get into better, healthier habits. Going to bed late and sleeping in late is not good, and I can feel its effects on me too. Classes start next week though. I read the syllabus for one of my classes, and it looks like it's going to be pretty intense, which I'm looking forward to. I need classes that expect a lot from me. I need a reason to care. If the prof doesn't seem to take the class seriously or expect much from the students, why should we put in the effort? This is where an internal locus of control comes in, I think.

I went home this past weekend because I could and to celebrate my brother's birthday, and I got my parents hooked on The Big Bang Theory. It makes me happy. And it is a very good show. My brother seemed to enjoy it to, which was cool. Saturday night was basically a marathon of it. I showed them the better episodes of season 2, as they now own season 1.

I am also enjoying Regency House Party, which is a PBS reality show that I got from the library about people living and wooing according to the rules and standards of the Regency period. It is very interesting, and it is helping me understand the period, and thus Jane Austen's novels better.

Night.

I Will Lift My Eyes Unto the Hills, From Whence Comes My Help--Psalm 121

Where does the balance come between trying hard and trusting God? Sometimes I think "I'm trying really hard," like I need to prove to God that I'm tackling my issues and doing my part. But this leads to frustration because I can't do it. No matter how hard I try, I will still fail. I will still struggle with certain issues, and I don't want to. Identifying the issue and trying to resolve it should be enough. I should be able to conquer. But not always. Sometimes its a constant battle. Sometimes life is a fight. And I can't do it alone, even though I want to. I want to be able to take care of my own problems without bothering God with them. He doesn't need to get involved, I can take care of this. But, I can't. And that's ok, because I think God wants us to call out to Him. We have things in our lives that we can't handle so that it causes us to think of Him and ask for His help. He won't always answer the way we want Him to. He may not answer immediately, but it is the journey, the struggle that bonds us with Him. It's not pleasant, but it is good.