Where is Home? My Heart is in More Than One Place.

I had a wonderful weekend. I left after work on Saturday to visit a friend up in Michigan, as well as see my old church and coworkers at the library. I miss everyone so much! It was so good to see the Hughes again. They are some of the most hospitable and kind people I know. It was so good to catch up with Miss Hughes too. I miss being able to hang out with her on a regular basis like we did last year. I really miss HFMC (church) too. Churches that are that alive and hard hitting are hard to find. I miss the sermons and the people. I have found myself thinking about the sermon, which was on worship, fairly often, which is really nice. The sermons at my current church don't really leave that much of an impression on me, but they're ok.

I also fell in love this weekend. His name is Spencer, and he is very cute, sweet, and rather acrobatic. We would like to move in together when my lease is up in August, but I'm not sure if it will work out. Oh, Spencer is a cat. He is adorable and he is currently living with the Hughes. He does not, however, play well with others. He does not get along with any of the other cats, so he has to be segregated. He is pretty good with people though, and he seems to like me and let me pet him. He would make a good "only cat."

I'm tired and need to get some sleep. I'm afraid that I'm coming down with a cold, but I'm hoping it's just slight allergies from being around the cats.

Why?

"It's comforting to know that he will have something tangible to show for those years, but more profound is the realization that a dream can die — any dream can die — and you can stand in that barren place in the weedy garden of your own life, amongst the sagging, withered plants, in the company of your own naked soul, and if you study the ground, you might just spot some fresh green shoots pressing through. You know yourself better now. You can begin again."
"On the Death of Dreams" by Jenny Schroedel

This is a really profound paragraph. I linked to the article, and the author has some good points. Sometimes, it's best to move on, and you may wonder what the point was or why God allowed something that did not ultimately come to fruition, be that a job, career goal, relationship, etc., but even if you don't know why, it doesn't mean that there wasn't a reason or that God can't use it for good. God does not answer the question "why." It's the one word He hears the most, but He doesn't often answer. He may reveal a reason later, but He may not. All we can do is trust Him and do the best with what He has revealed.

And a New Beginning Starts

I saw a Washington DC license plate today, and it had the slogan "Taxation Without Representation." I was very confused. I thought it might be tongue in cheek or satirical or something, but it's a license plate, put out by the state, in this case the government. Did they just forget the "No" at the beginning, or is it actually condoning taxing people and not allowing them any voice through representatives? Thoughts?

Also, I was rather productive today, and it feels good. I finally took care of my dry cleaning. I found a cleaners in a strip mall after having no luck finding the cleaners that I thought was on 3rd street. (It was in this quest that I saw the license plate.) I also cleaned my room, bought a book for class, went to the bank, took care of dishes, and did laundry (not in that order).

I have my first class tomorrow, as I don't have class on Mondays or Fridays. Yay! The class is rare books, and I'm looking forward to it. I'm not going to pursue rare books; I think I'll do a mix of archives and digital libraries, but I think the class will be good and help me in my pursuit of working with special collections. I am hoping to get an internship here over the summer so I can keep my job and also gain experience. I need to talk to the prof in charge of internships. When I was cleaning my room, I came across a flyer for a project that the public library and historical society is working on together, and I'm going to ask about it. It's archiving pictures and such about the limestone quarries and businesses in the area, and it looks like a cool project.

Today has been a good relaxing day. I am not on my schedule yet, so my sleep has been off. It will probably take some time to get back to normal, but that is to be expected. On Friday we had friends from the complex over and played an epic game of Apples to Apples. Then, I had a friend over for dinner on Saturday, and it was good to talk and eat food. I tried out new recipes that turned out rather well. They were both from my Illinois cookbook. Chicken pecan swiss quiche and fried apples for dessert. I found out that my parents made quiche on Saturday as well. :-)

Enjoy the random.(ness of this post)

Snow Day

I had a snow day from work today. It's nice to work at a job that closes due to snow, though tomorrow is going to be pretty crazy. Just because the library is closed does not mean that people stop returning books. Though maybe the weather kept people home and it won't be that bad.

I was going to be productive today, but that did not happen, especially as I slept in until 1. Sigh, I have hijacked my sleep schedule, and it is not good. I am looking forward to classes and work as it will provide me with a regular schedule and hopefully help me get into better, healthier habits. Going to bed late and sleeping in late is not good, and I can feel its effects on me too. Classes start next week though. I read the syllabus for one of my classes, and it looks like it's going to be pretty intense, which I'm looking forward to. I need classes that expect a lot from me. I need a reason to care. If the prof doesn't seem to take the class seriously or expect much from the students, why should we put in the effort? This is where an internal locus of control comes in, I think.

I went home this past weekend because I could and to celebrate my brother's birthday, and I got my parents hooked on The Big Bang Theory. It makes me happy. And it is a very good show. My brother seemed to enjoy it to, which was cool. Saturday night was basically a marathon of it. I showed them the better episodes of season 2, as they now own season 1.

I am also enjoying Regency House Party, which is a PBS reality show that I got from the library about people living and wooing according to the rules and standards of the Regency period. It is very interesting, and it is helping me understand the period, and thus Jane Austen's novels better.

Night.

I Will Lift My Eyes Unto the Hills, From Whence Comes My Help--Psalm 121

Where does the balance come between trying hard and trusting God? Sometimes I think "I'm trying really hard," like I need to prove to God that I'm tackling my issues and doing my part. But this leads to frustration because I can't do it. No matter how hard I try, I will still fail. I will still struggle with certain issues, and I don't want to. Identifying the issue and trying to resolve it should be enough. I should be able to conquer. But not always. Sometimes its a constant battle. Sometimes life is a fight. And I can't do it alone, even though I want to. I want to be able to take care of my own problems without bothering God with them. He doesn't need to get involved, I can take care of this. But, I can't. And that's ok, because I think God wants us to call out to Him. We have things in our lives that we can't handle so that it causes us to think of Him and ask for His help. He won't always answer the way we want Him to. He may not answer immediately, but it is the journey, the struggle that bonds us with Him. It's not pleasant, but it is good.

Sometimes you have to ignore your feelings, turn up the music, and clean the house.

Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock

I have season 2! Happiness is sitting on the couch, watching Big Bang Theory Season 2 with a stomach full of amazing chili and Christmas cookies. Big Bang Theory is my favorite sitcom, and I now have seasons 1 and 2, and I am happy.

I had a very good Christmas, though we were not able to make it up to visit my grandparents, aunt and cousins. It was kind of weird being home for Christmas, as we always go up North, and I missed everyone. It was a good and relaxing holiday, however. We opened gifts in the morning (they let me sleep in :-) and Dad and I made chili in the afternoon. This chili is our special chili. No beans, about 13 lbs of meat, lots of spices, mole...so good. Mole as in the Mexican chocolate-like sauce, not the animal or unit of measurement. I now have a large skillet, a vegetable steamer, and a Best of Illinois cookbook. I already picked out some yummy sounding recipes. I'm excited to try chicken pecan quiche. And horseshoe sandwiches. Dad also gave me a book from 1877 of old ballads and songs, mainly from England. There is a good ballad/song on smoking and another as a warning to drunkards. :-) It also has the Robin Hood songs. I love old books.

I am starting to fade. A bad sleep schedule and stressful driving are combining, and I should turn in soon. Especially as I have to work in the morning.

Happy New Year!